Paraguay carried on from their impressive showing against Italy with a trouble-free win over Slovakia. On 27 minutes, Enrique Vera (above) clipped one past the keeper with the outside of his boot after being threaded through down the middle and they finally made it safe with 4 minutes to go, Riveros belting the ball home as it squirmed to him after two Paraguayans got in each other’s way. Slovakia’s first attempt on target came around the 90-minute mark and the sloppy Slovaks really need to play a lot better than this to beat the Italians in their final game.
Or perhaps they won’t, due to the continually unconvincing performance of the Azzuri. Considering Serie A used to be the best, most envied league in the world during the last 20 years of the previous century, there is now nothing at all beguiling or even eminently watchable about the Italian national side and their boring domestic competition. Are they really the World Cup holders? Incumbent Champions? World’s best footballing nation only 4 years ago?? I can’t remember a time when there were so many unfamiliar names on the Italian team sheet. I consider myself to be reasonably knowledgable about football but I really have no idea who Marchetti, Criscito, Pepe, Marchisio or Montolivo are or who they play for, while most of those on the bench are not even household names in their own households. I’d usually feel a slight wave of shame that my interest has waned, get the urge to correct this and endeavour to follow Serie A on ESPN next season but I‘d rather stab rusty nails into my eyeballs than follow Italian footie. This is a scandal-ridden nadir for Calcio Italiano; Internazionale may have won the Champions’ League but tellingly, they didn’t have any Italian players in their side.

Some half-hearted mumbling along to their tuneless dirge of a national anthem set the tone in the ‘miniature San Siro’-like Mbombela Stadium in Nelspruit and New Zealand took a shock lead after only seven minutes after some lax defending by the Italians. Another of Simon Elliott’s accurately looped free kicks into the box was flicked on by Winston Reid (goalscoring hero of their first game) and a grateful Shane Smeltz, who can boast the illustrious likes of AFC Wimbledon and Halifax Town on his playing CV, poked it past Marchetti from 3 yards. All this after coach Marcello Lippi had highlighted set-pieces and their aerial power as the All-Whites’ greatest strength.
Caligiari keeper Marchetti is between the sticks for Italy because of an injury to first choice 100-cap veteran Gianluigi Buffon, who will instead have to make do with spending more time with his other half, Czech glamour model Alena Seredova (pictured).

I’m sure he’ll manage…

The Kiwis continued to apply themselves well, especially in defence with Reid and Blackburn skipper Ryan Nelsen holding firm while Paston, the keeper, made some good stops, having being rather lucky at times in their first match. Tony Lochhead had another good game, too. Shame Leeds have only just bought a new left-back as somebody should snap this fella up, he really looks the part and surely wouldn’t cost much. He did well in the 25th minute when hassling his man inside the box without resorting to a clumsy challenge and soon after, had the presence of mind to attack the ball and get it clear just as two Italians were both caught stalling.

Later, Nelsen was lucky not to deflect a Montolivo bender into the net with his knee, the ball instead thumping against the post then Italy finally drew level when De Rossi won a dodgy penalty, converted by Iaquinta. There was the slightest suggestion of a finger-and-thumb pinch of the shirt as the cross came in but De Rossi only collapsed to the ground once the defender had let go and it was clear he wasn’t gonna reach the ball. What a shame for New Zealand. Is this what people mean when they talk about ‘experience’? The Kiwis’ supposed lack of it and the Italians’ superior knowledge of how best to fool the referee for their own gain? Cheating Italian bandits. Thankfully, New Zealand hung on and might’ve won it right at the end when West Brom teenager Chris Wood fired one just wide of the post.

In the enticing eveing game, we had the first ever meeting between Brazil and Côte d’Ivoire and the Ivorians must’ve wished they’d been handed a less demanding game than this to size up their illustrious opponents for the first time. I feel for them actually; rated the African team most likely to succeed, they find themselves in a cruelly difficult group and, due to their ambling, lacklustre showing against an equally cautious Portugal, defeat here against the second favourites would see them with one bum cheek on the aeroplane seat back home.
Brazil should’ve been 1-0 up within the first 45 seconds when Robinho broke suddenly and opted to shoot on the run from 30 yards when slotting Luis Fabiano in seemed the better selection. The action subsided after that though, Mark Lawrenson commenting; “When Barnsley were in the Premier League, they used to sing ‘it’s just like watching Brazil’… well, it’s more like watching Barnsley at the moment”. I was disappointed that Lawro didn’t grasp the obvious ‘bad pun’ opportunity that presented itself by saying something along the lines of; ‘…it was actually Maicon who made that tackle. I did say that earlier, I just didn’t have my Maicon.’ That would’ve been hilarious, as I’m sure you’ll agree.
Just enough room here for the obligatory gratuitous photo of hot Brazilian girls:

To be fair, I don’t think there’s a great deal to fear about this Brazil side. We already know all about their key performers; Robinho, Gilberto Silva and Elano (who’s been a flop at Galatasaray) from their time in the Premiership while Kaka hasn’t really looked the part at trophyless Real Madrid this season, certainly not in the awe-inspiring, talismanic way the best player in a Brazil side invariably does. Even the misfiring former Arsenal brute, Julio Baptista has managed to get himself a place in this current squad.

Having said all that, Brazil still did what Brazil usually do and opened the scoring in impressive fashion. Luis Fabiano back-heeled the ball to Kaka who slipped it beyond the lunging Kolo Toure back into Fabiano’s path who hammered it into the roof of the net from an acute angle in a finish not too dissimilar to Landan Donovan’s against Slovenia. In the second half, Luis Fabiano doubled Brazil’s advantage when he flicked and juggled his way around 3 Ivorian defenders and tucked it away like he was having a kickabout in his Speedos on Copacabana beach. However, the replay showed quite clearly that he’d controlled the ball with his arm twice on his way to scoring. Once the goal had been given, another replay showed the ref asking him if he’d handballed it. Luis Fabiano’s none-more-innocent response elicited a cheeky satisfied smile from the corrupt/visually-impaired clueless twat in the middle. A scandalous decision really as the game was up for the Africans after that. Godspeed the video referee is all I can say, not wanting to rant on about it.
Kaka had a reasonably quiet game but showed glimpses of skill and still managed to set up two goals, Brazil’s third coming after Kaka shilly-shallied his way into the box and squared for Elano to stroke home with a lovely first touch, diverting the ball into the corner without breaking stride. Kaka was later sent off for the first time in his career for two ridiculously soft quick-fire yellow cards and Drogba’s late flicked header did nothing other than ensure Gervinho’s tenacious efforts in setting him up didn’t go unrewarded and I suppose it marginally improves their goal difference. Les Côte d’Ivoirians better hope Brazil beat Portugal and then, after cancelling out one another, they both need to batter the Koreans to see who steps into second place in the dreaded ‘Group Of Death’.

Mwahahahahahaa!