First dilemma of the day was where to watch the England v Algeria match. I’d seen the USA game on the field of Headingley Cricket Ground, watching on the country’s biggest stadium screen but went to the Academy gig venue in Leeds for this one.
It sounded good… a few beers, friday night, meet up with some mates, a few thousand people, great atmosphere, celebrating an impressive win…
Yeah, right.

I turned to my mate after about 20 minutes and asked him; ‘Is it too early to start singing ‘what a load of rubbish’..?’ That sinking feeling kicked in and the realisation slowly hit you that we’re really going to struggle to get anything out of this match.
But Why?? England’s main problem is that we play gripped by a sense of fear and the weight of expectation suffocates the players. Those that are chosen want to do just enough to justify not being dropped for the next game, nobody is prepared to try anything creative or daring in case it doesn’t come off, the mistake then leads to a goal and that player never plays for his country again.

It’s you, the public’s fault…! There really needs to be more people like me in England. I am the national team’s biggest critic, never expect them to do anything other than apply themselves well in defeat and cannot understand why we’re constantly regarded among the favourites to win it. I did expect more than this shower of shite, though. Players just seem to lose the ability to control a football or pass in a straight line with the correct amount of weight behind the ball. Simple schoolboy basics are just lost in a gibbering, quivering show of nervous wreckitude.

We’re usually shit at World Cups and it’ll be at least 48 years of hurt should we even qualify for Brazil ’14. We failed to qualify at all in ’74, ’78 and ’94 and, even in the World Cups we’ve played in, we rarely looked convincing. Since Spain ’82, when we actually went home unbeaten after conceding just one goal and were only a stupid Keegan perm-flick away from the semis, we’ve only played well and looked like we might be eventual winners in just three games, all 3-0 victories; against Poland and Paraguay in ’86 and in the 2nd round vs. Denmark in 2002. Usually, the group stages prove especially troublesome, and then we later get beat by a better team.
Here’s the facts about our other World Cup points-winning expertise:
1986– Lost 1-0 to a shabby Portugal side then drew 0-0 with Morocco.
1990– Scraped draws with the Irish and the Dutch then were lucky to narrowly beat Egypt, Belgium and Cameroon.
1998– Laboured wins over Tunisia and Columbia sandwiched a defeat to Romania.
2002– Drew twice and got away with a squeaky-bummed win over Argentina, thanks to a dodgy penalty.
2006– Turgid 1-0 yawnfest vs. Paraguay, needed late goals to spare blushes against Trinidad and Tobago, drew twice then spluttered to a jammy 2nd round win over Ecuador.
Not exactly a formidable record over the last 25-30 years.

It really is a lot easier just to consider the past and how often you’ve been let down and expect them to win nothing as usual. I can wholeheartedly recommend it. Considering I’m a bit obsessed with football shirts and used to collect them when I was younger, I’ve never owned an England shirt. I took my dad’s Euro ’96 one on holiday in Turkey with me that year but have never felt the compulsion to buy one, because I don’t feel that much of a connection to be honest. Supporting Leeds is infuriating enough without having two lots of hopes and dreams frequently crushed. I just feel an England shirt is a bit too much like a knobhead beacon. I know that’s unfair on many lovely, rationally-minded people but the knobheads have hijacked the England shirt in much the same way as Nazis hijacked the Union Jack and made displaying it feel uncomfortable.

England’s travelling army (most of ‘em anyway) have only recently got their heads around the fact that the Union Jack isn’t England’s flag. It’s nice to see so many St. George flags nowadays but it used to annoy me, even as a kid watching Mexico ’86 games at daft o’clock, to see so many Union Jacks. It also annoys me that we stand for ‘God Save The Queen’ before games. That’s the anthem of the United Kingdom; we don’t really have one in the same way Scotland have ‘Flower Of Scotland’ and Wales have ‘Land Of My Fathers’ but England’s unofficial anthem, ‘Land Of Hope & Glory’ would be more suitable and is far more rousing a song anyway, although you would have to hand out lyric sheets at first if it were ever to change.

I’m swelling with pride watching this clip, I really am!

I also had a bugbear with England wearing blue shorts when there’s no blue on England’s flag but the FA and Umbro have addressed that with our new all-white ‘tailored’ kit. It’s not even a lack of patriotic pride. I’m proud to be English but just don’t always feel the need to do what the English are expected to do. Like: behave disrespectfully when abroad, harbour a blind unreasoning hatred for the Scots, Welsh, Irish, French, Americans… (fill the rest of the world’s countries in yourself) and foolishly expect us to conquer the sporting world. I even like Germans!

The Algerian coach said before the game that he’d rather be coaching Algeria than England because his players have good morals. A bit cheeky, perhaps, but it had me thinking exactly what people from other cultures must think of us and the players that represent us. Churlish, boorish, shag-happy booze-guzzling monsters who think nothing of nobbing their mate’s missus or brazenly squandering their astronomically excessive salaries on prostitutes and high-level gambling. We probably don’t come across that well in Algeria, or anywhere else for that matter.
Does any other country actually like us??!

It’s pointless discussing the game as there was little to be positive about in what was the worst England display I’ve seen at a World Cup. The biggest cheer of the night came when David James collected a corner kick without dropping it. That’s what we were reduced to.
The fall-out from the game has made it all the more sour. Especially the totally ineffective Rooney getting his mad up and making sure we all heard him say what he thought of ‘getting booed by your home supporters’. Well, they’re not ‘home’ supporters, Wayne. It might feel like a home game but that’s because several thousand people have skinted themselves and taken out loans they’re unsure they’ll be able to pay back just to travel thousands of miles to watch you decide you’re not up for it.

Then there’s the much-vaunted ‘big meeting’, John Terry telling us all they’re gonna sort it out by putting Capello straight and then Capello coming out and saying Terry’s made ‘a big mistake’ and is alone in thinking that way (or rather he’s alone in being bold enough to say what he’s thinking).
On a positive slant, most countries seem to be having a tricky time of it, we are still unbeaten and just need to win one game of football in order to progress, move on and learn from the horrorshow we’ve put on so far.
Changes will be made, I assume, so let’s see what changes they bring about.
I blogged after the USA game that there was ‘no need to panic, save that for friday night’, but I wasn’t being entirely serious. Just shows you that, when it comes to England, being prepared for disappointment is the best way.